For example, we currently havent spoken for 3 days, and shes sleeping in the other room because I accidentally text "good night, sleep tight", instead of just "good night", because I was the one going to bed, not her.
So in her mind, that text must have been meant for another woman.
We live together, we work together, we share a car. How on Gods green earth could I have a side chick?
He lied about where he went to undergrad. I suspected it while the relationship was still going on, but after he moved out I found some of the stuff he left that included transcripts from a different university than he'd claimed. It wasn't even in the same country. I'm fairly sure most of the stories he told about his childhood were lies.
I realized he would always blame me for his angry outbursts and mistakes- he punched a wall and screamed about a homework assignment he didn't understand because I was sitting on the couch quietly. Then after he was finished blaming me and realized I was upset, he became all sad and wanted me to comfort him.
What a pathetic human being. I'm glad I've grown past accepting that sort of behavior.
Out of nowhere, a year into being married, he said he wants to join the Marine Corp. He also wanted me to drop out of law school, birth babies, take care of his mother, and a run a household all while he’s deployed. Hard pass.
A little over a year after being officially together I finally put together that they had the cancer gene in their family. Despite being crazy in love with her, this made me want to back out (because I totally saw a future with her). Her grampa and dad both had head and neck cancers, 2 aunts and 1 uncle were survivors of ovarian and lung cancer. I knew I wanted kids and she did too so there was always this looming fear that our future kids might get it. Still went through because she mattered more to me than all my fears combined. Life plays a cruel joke and despite having no vices and being an occasional drinker, she got the big C as well. Head and neck just like grampa and her dad. Lost her a little over a year ago. Still, no regrets. Still love her a lot.
He hid a few Xanax addictions/withdrawals- forgave him.
He stole 4000 from our joint savings that only I contributed to - forgave him.
He sexted and was trying to meet up with randos, which made me realize I should probably leave..
But, the thing that made me certain was when I realized he didn’t actually want an equal relationship. He expected me to shop, cook, clean, and be responsible for him for the rest of our lives. He pretended to want what I wanted for years, and I was dumb enough to believe his excuses on why he just couldn’t do it yet.
I demand and deserve a reasonably equal relationship! Divorce was one of the best things I ever did.
7 years in I found out he was a high school dropout without even a GED. He had initially told me he was a game design major and turned down a job opportunity (or internship, I can't recall which) with EA Toronto because he didn't want to leave me. I literally told him "GO, we can figure other s**t out later, this won't wait." I should've known then. Ugh, love is blind, but only for so long.
That he had been cheating on me and racking up debt. We had gotten married and made life plans, that he had always known would never come to fruition because of what he was doing behind closed doors. Yet, he allowed me to marry him anyway, knowing I was signing up for a life I did not want and that we did not agree on. I would have been the one to bear the brunt of the consequences for HIS actions.
We were driving home from a dinner in which we drove separately too and without knowing it she cut me off by merging into my lane last minute without using a blinker. I was annoyed at first, but when I recognized it was her car it made me feel very strange.
When I had my first child. The pregnancy wasn't a surprise or an accident. We talked and planned. He got a little overbearing during the pregnancy, like insisting on breastfeeding without even discussing it with me. I put it down to new dad nerves, and not knowing any better.
Turns out that was only the tip of the iceberg. He believed that children were completely and totally a wife's responsibility. He wouldn't change a diaper. He wouldn't pick up the baby when it cried. No way would he get up in the middle of the night. He expected me to work a full-time job, plus do all the childcare.
At that point, I was confused and appalled but I told myself he just needed time to adjust.
I realized how delusional I was when the baby got sick while he was on a fishing trip. The doctors thought baby had meningitis. So not just sick, but life-threatening sick. I called and asked him to come home. He refused. He'd paid for two more days of fishing. He didn't want to lose the money.
She would lie about tiny, inconsequential things. Made me question my own perception of truth and self-instinct. Eventually caught her in a lie, and she denied even when presented with full proof. It wasn't something huge, but it was something that opened my eyes a little. My friend swears I was being gaslighted. Gaslit?
He started hearing voices. We've been together since we were 11. We've experienced everything together. I love and accept everything about him.
Shortly after moving in with each other, he broke down. He told me that he can't stand hearing voices anymore. I helped him see a doctor about it. They evaluated him and diagnosed him with "stress." In his words, he's pretty f**king stressed about hearing voices.
After awhile, he starts admitting to me that he's terrified of mirrors. Why? Because the people on the inside will take him away. We go back to the doctor. Again, they tell him "you don't want to be diagnosed with something bad." It's just stress.
Nothing left to do than keep bringing him back until they believe him. Doesn't help that now he's convinced the doctors don't want him to get help. Can't really blame him for that.
It was hard to adapt at first. I would never have pictured him to have been going through such internal pain. The one thing that stood out to me, he had spent so many years building my mental health up and doing anything he could to bring me out of depression. I had been so selfish for so long. How could I have not realized something was wrong? I was supposed to be the one person who knew him the most.
Our relationship was unbalanced, and it was time for me to start picking up the slack. Ironically enough, we have an even stronger and healthier bond now.
That she had been in contact with her ex's, met them and regularly cheated on me with just whomever. 8 years, she was really good at hiding her tracks. I only found out because I contracted a STD (curable, fortunately) from her.
I was really glad we didn't have kids and divorced her, moved away, and drank too much. Then I met the most awesome person in the world who I married, had kids and didn't know relationships could be this good.
My (now) wife and I both love musicals. Whenever we're in NYC, we catch a broadway show. If a good show tours to our city, we catch it. On one date I offhandedly told a story about when I performed Wizard of Oz in high-school and she froze, eyes wide. "You performed in musicals?" "Uh, yeah." "Oh, I had no idea. This will take me awhile to process." She was pretty quiet for about 20 minutes. Then said "Ok. That's fine, I just never knew I was dating a guy who was in musicals."
Never figured out why it threw her so much, but that was that and it never bother her again.
he told me from the very get go that he was diagnosed as apspergers in grade school but I just brushed it off because I know many people who halfheartedly claim to be autistic. but a couple weeks ago I was lying in bed while he was putting away one of his 50 pocket watches in his holding box that he keeps in pristine condition ticked away in his sock drawer; then he proceeded to pick out a new ax to carry in his backpack full of supplies and for some reason it just hit me for the first true time that he is totally 100% on the spectrum. and it made me think back to the times when he has done things that absolutely infuriate me and he has no idea he has done something wrong and suddenly I could see that he wasn't being manipulative or underhanded; his brain simply works in a different way than mine, and he even tried to warn me of this, I just for some reason chose to disregard the information.
he is super willing to meet me halfway, even when he doesn't understand why something bothers me, he acknowledges how I feel and he stops doing it. he is the goofiest most eccentric ball of love I have ever met, and coming to terms with his autism has made me love him a'll that much more.