My mom threw me a graduation party. She had the party in the community room of the local rescue squad and had a table full of food.
No one came. Most of the people she invited were fellow graduates so they had their own thing going on. We gave the food to the rescue squad people. I mostly felt horrible for my mom. Just writing this story made me feel like s**t and it has been 25 years since this happened.
I was at the airport one time and during the security check in, one of the TSA ppl stuck his hand out in front of me. I proceeded to give him a high five thinkin he’s trying to be friendly only to realize that he meant for me to wait in line…
So I was interviewing for a job in the bio-industry early on in my career and it was a panel interview with about 10 people. They asked me what would set me apart from other candidates, so I went into the normal spiel about being a fast learner and easily cross-training in multiple areas. As soon as I said that one of the guys laughed and a few jaws dropped and I quickly realized that instead of saying cross-training, I said cross-dressing. What sets me apart from other candidates? Cross-dressing. I did not get the job.
I was doing a stupid "cleanse" diet that involved drinking large amounts of psyllium husk powder. After 4 days without a bowel movement, I ended up fainting on the toilet while straining to squeeze out a huge log of s**t. My younger brother heard me falling and hitting my head against the bathtub-- he rushed in to find me passed out on the floor, naked with s**t smeared between my legs and all down the front of the toilet.
This was years ago and my brother and I can laugh at it now, but the memory still sneaks up on me at night when I'm trying to get to sleep.
When I was 13 I got my first bikini swimsuit. The top didn't have a strap on the neck or anything but just stretched across my chest. I went swimming one day with my cousins while on vacation at my grandmother's house. I swam all day long and the bikini stayed in place just as it should. We packed up and I threw on a T-shirt over my swimsuit for the ride home. Grandma did not go swimming with us and was at home eating popcorn at her table when we came in. There were uncles, aunts, and older cousins at the table with her. When she saw me in my T-shirt she jokingly asked if that was all I was wearing. I said nope and proudly pulled my T-shirt over my entire chest to show her I had on a swimsuit. I watched as her face changed to shock and she choked on her popcorn. I looked down and what do you know, my freaking top had slid beneath my boobs, exposing them and making them stick sort of straight out because the top was right under them. Everyone at the table just died laughing all with red faces, putting their heads down and pounding the table howling with laughter. So yeah, I flashed my grandma and some relatives with my boobs.
I was starting out as a teacher in this English course and one day I had a bad diarrhea in the short break between two classes. All of my colleagues were gathered in the teacher’s room, waiting for the next class to start. I entered the bathroom connected to the room to relief myself and as I was finished I was embarrassed of opening the door to the room and let everybody smell the reminiscent odor. So I had the brilliant idea of opening the glass window of the bathroom, to let the wind circulate a little before opening the door. The window was stuck and as I forced it, it fell, breaking in a million pieces on the floor. Everybody heard the noise and knocked on the door. I had to open it and they not only smelled the horrible diarrhea but also figured out my attempt to open the window to get rid of it lol.. it was so humiliating
I was taking a bus home from the beach years ago. When I got close to my stop, I walked to the front of the bus, so I would be ready too get off. I was wearing a denim skirt that was a bit loose, but I had been wearing it all day without a problem. Well, the denim had gotten a little wet at the beach, which made it heavier, and it sort of stretched out a bit while I sat during this 2 hour bus ride. So, as I'm standing in the front of this crowded bus, with my hands full of my belongings, I can feel my skirt begin to slide down. I didn't have any hands free to grab it, and nothing to lean against to hold it up, so it fell all the way to the floor. The passengers around me just stared as if they were in shock ( this was pre- everyone glued to their phone days) I stood there in my granny panties, wanting to cry, but I started laughing like a maniac instead. I must have looked like a total nutjob. I stopped wearing skirts after that. Dresses are safer!
When I was in first grade, I had just recently moved to Oklahoma. My class was doing a showcase for the school assembly in 2 weeks. We were going to do some line dancing, and I was paired up with a boy I really liked for part of the routine. I practiced like a maniac in an attempt to assimilate to my new country classmates’ way of life.
I guess I had forgotten to give a note to my parents saying that they wanted us to wear cowboy boots for the performance. I showed up to the showcase in flip flops. The partner section starts happening and I’m kicking my legs like I’m a Rockette. My flip flop flies off into the crowd and hits an older kid in the face. I immediately stop in the middle but the people behind me didn’t get the memo that I launched a projectile into the crowd. The person behind me runs into me and falls into the crowd. This has a domino effect and causes a mini pile up of 7 year olds. I hobble off the stage into the bathroom with only one flip flop. I cried while I waited for my teacher to give me back my shoe.
I was working at the flower department at a grocery store.
It’s Mothers Day. One of the busiest days for flower shops.
End of day. I’m tired, sweaty and I kinda hate flowers at this point.
Guy comes in - we’re closing in 10 and I’m like “the audacity” internally, but I paste a smile on my face and ask how I can help. He apologizes for being so last minute and I shake off any frustration I’m feeling - people work and shit and maybe he just hasn’t had time. It’s okay.
He asks for something nice, but low budget. All the nice stuff is long gone, but still - I’ll do what I can. He says “fix me up something nice, like I spent more than I can”
I have a soft heart. I’ll hook him up. I say “sure, I’ll make it look like it cost you an arm and a leg (haha)”
He holds up a stump - where an arm usually resides - and says “at least an arm anyway”, waving it at me.
Just started dating this girl, she’s half Korean. I go to her parents Korean church. The whole way there they were explaining how I was going to be greeted by the pastor and I was supposed to bow, be as respectful as possible.
Well, seeing that he was Korean, he had quite the accent. He greeted those in front of me, “welcome” “welcome”
My dumb ass thought he was saying “where from?” So in front of the church and my gf parents of whom I just had met I got up and yelled “Nick Purvis Bowie Maryland”. He looked extremely confused, didn’t bow…just stared at me and let’s just say…her parents weren’t super hyped.
I was about 13, into shock humor and all that, just being inappropriate and in trying to make a friend uncomfortable, said his mom had nice tits. He laughed it off.
Months later, maybe a year or more, I visit his house with him to stay the night. He introduces me as "The friend who said you have nice tits." Easily the worst first impression I've ever made, and she laughed about it and said thanks, but a lesson was learned and I'm a better man for it.
I was a hibachi server. We used these little bottles to squirt sake into people's mouths. I had a party of like 20 people. After the show and everything, the owner goes up to the table and asks them if they had a good time. One of the customers jokingly says "I don't think we got enough sake!"
Owner then hands me two bottles and asks me to go back to the kitchen to fill them with sake. So I run back to the kitchen and see two boxes of "sho chiku bai" sake. One of them has sharpie writing in Chinese all over it. This will become important in a moment.
So I randomly pick a box of sake to fill the squirt bottles with, and the manager and I ask them who wants more sake! Several people kind of cheer because they're hammered so the owner starts rainbowing sake into one person's mouth, while I do the same to another patron.
Suddenly the patrons eyes go wide just as I notice something strange. Under the harsh lighting, the liquid I'm squirting into this young woman's mouth is...glistening.
It also looks quite shiny running down her face and onto the front of her sundress. So I stop spraying "sake" at her as she swallows and says "Ew, what the hell was that?!"
Was a field computer tech when I was younger. At a clients site, focused on my work when someone behind me says "Hey there, how you doing today?" & without looking I reply, "Welp, alive and kicking; I suppose that's what matters" then turn around to see a guy in a wheelchair with no legs, who smiles and says "Yep, I guess that is important"
Went to the gym and felt the urge to poo probably due to the pre-workout. Did my business cleaned up and proceeded to run my best mile ever on the treadmill. Noticed I was getting a lot of stares and shrugged it off until I noticed some toiled paper on the ground. That’s weird I thought, turns out I had a BUNCH of toilet paper in my shorts the whole time. needless to say I moved to a different country and started a new life.
When I was in middle school a group of girls that disliked me got a hold of my phone number and texted me as my crush. We texted all day after school and she wanted to hang out with me but I told her I can’t because of homework or something dumb. So we planned that we hang out the next day, and we would meet at the park. The next day I start to get ready and I go to the park and I waited for three hours and she never showed up. I messaged her and I wasn’t getting a response so I just ended up going home, disappointed and mad at myself.
When I go back to school the group of girls came up to me and said “Has a nice date?” And I was shocked wondering how they knew and then they showed me pictures they took of me just sitting on the bench alone and making fun of how stupid I look.
While on break in the lounge with like ten other employees, somehow mountain climbing gets brought up. Followed by a guy pointing out another employee's son died during a mountain climbing accident.
The way it was said was so nonchalant that I thought it was a joke, so I laughed and said "Sure", as I was getting up to leave. Then I looked the guy whose kid died in the face and he just shrugs and goes, "Yup, he did."
So I was like 14 or 15 at a swim meet. I swam a lot. And one of the older guys who is like the comical dude of the older kids, comes up to our tent and I had my back turned. He says “he everyone how’s it going?” And I somewhat but not clearly jokingly say “oh ShhhuUUUUtttTTT UP!” Then I turn to face him and realize I’ve just told my other teammate’s father, a prominent judge in the city I lived in, to shut up. To make it worse, I apologized profusely but didn’t explain that I thought he was someone else.