Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age.

-from "Oedipus Tyrannus," by Greek playwright Sophocles

One is a hollow cylinder, and the other a silly Hollander.

-from the 19th Century

Macbeth, because he did murder most fowl.

-from the Victorian era

When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!"

No one comes to help.

-from Homer's "The Odyssey," 800 BC, Ancient Greece

Lifter, legs, and poker.

-from the 19th century

His purse is what restrains him.

-from Ancient Egypt, 30 BC

Because they both lose their bark once they're dead.

-from the Victorian era

Because they are all aquiver in the presence of a beau.

-from Prairie Farmer, Volume 58, 1886

They both have no visible means of support.

-from the Victorian era

When the donkey died of hunger, he said, "I've had a great loss! Just when he had learned not to eat, he died."

-found in the world's oldest "joke book," called "Philogelos" (or "Laughter-Lover"), written by Greeks Hierocles and Philagrius in the 4th century

...has been married to a man for 20 years.

When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye."

And she answered him: 'Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage?'

-unknown origin, 1100 BC, proving marriage has always been this way

..."That was an excellent sermon, but it was not original." The preacher was taken aback. The man said he had a book at home containing every word the preacher used. The next day, the man brought the preacher a dictionary.

-1872, in an issue of the Daily Phoenix

When it is a jar.

-origin unknown

...he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.

Intrigued, he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?"

"No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was."

-A "your mom" joke from ancient Rome, between 63 BC-14 AD

One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.

-from the Victorian-era 

The Prince of Wales, of course!

-from the 18th Century

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

-1600 BC, Ancient Egypt

But all the horse manure.

-from the late 19th century

...the king replied: "In silence."

-found in "Philogelos" 

said Tom, intently.

-from the early 20th Century

A key.

-From the 10th Century

...one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load.

The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen.

So they all went.

In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load.

Problem: Who owns the calf?

-from 1200 BC, Sumeria

...A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

-from Sumeria, 1900 BC

"O I C U R M T"

-from the Victorian era

One makes fac-similes; the other makes sick families.

- From 1875 in a Liverpool, UK newspaper

They asked a flaxen-haired urchin standing near the house if it "drawed well," whereupon the aforementioned urchin gave them the stinging retort: "Yes, it draws all the attention of all the damned fools that pass this road."

-from the 1870s

SHE: "Yes, if you are moderate in your tastes."

-from the Victorian era

...is an institution intended to keep women out of mischief and get them into trouble.

-from the Victorian era

Because it is two gross.

-from the Victorian era

...She said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"

Her brother jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly squashed by a truck. And Lil Audrey just laughed and laughed, because she knew it was only a nickel.

- From the Dust Bowl era, America